Going Home

Well, it's been awhile since I updated. Two sick kids and a sick husband and a healthy Mishelle have left me with a chance to get off the roller coaster for a short while.
The last week brought a reprieve for Mishelle. Her bowel unobstructed and she has been able to eat small amounts. This is great and has given her the opportunity to enjoy a few things she has missed out on in the last month and a half. We are celebrating this and enjoying it for as long as we can.

With this improvement, Mishelle has decided she would like to get out of the hospital and go home. However the reality of the situation is that it will not be easy to do. She has been getting a little ahead of herself. She even talked about driving to go shopping. (her keys are securely hidden away)

We pulled her out of the hospital on a test run Saturday and Sunday and she failed the test. She does not have the strength to lift her legs very well. I almost broke her arm on Saturday when she went to go up her front steps and could not lift her leg and fell into me. I grabbed her by the arm and tried to use it as leverage, I felt the flex and had to grab her whole body. She may be skinny but she weighs a ton and I almost dropped her! When we got her inside, she went out to the Deck to have a smoke and could not get back in the house. She was not able to remember to take her medication. Sunday was a little better but she lost control of her ability to lift her legs near the end of the day.

On the positive side, Mishelle went out and bought some new clothes and she looked beautiful and I could tell she felt beautiful for the first time in a long time. My pillar of strength was back in fine form.

Monday came and brought with it more problems. It seems that Mishelles bladder has decided to stop working. She has needed to be catheterized several times since Monday. She has significant disease in the area of the bladder and kidneys so we are not sure what is quiting. This has not dashed her enthusiasm to go home.

This morning Jessica, Sandi, Mishelle and I met with her Dr and the transition nurse and got down to the nuts and bolts of her coming home.
It was agreed by all (except Mishelle) that it will be quite a commitment to bring her home. She cannot be left alone for any length of time. She has moments of utter confusion and other of being crystal clear. The Dr expressed fears that she would fall asleep with a cig or burn the kitchen down by forgetting she was cooking. Our concerns are that she will go outside and not be able to get back in. Or worse, will fall down and not be able to get back up. Cause, if she fell she would not get back up, that much is clear. We worry that a catastrophic event will happen and Jessica will come home to find her. I have asked her to come and live with me. She will not have any part of that.

Mishelle is very determined that she will beat this thing. She is an amazing, determined and strong willed soul. I think that coming home will put her on the threshold of reality. We all agree that she needs to get home to realize what her abilities are in this regard. We are trying to work with her and home care to get her there for now. We also discussed that the next step after this one ... when she falls into crisis again .... will be hospice. She is going to get a call button, that she wears all the time and if she does take a spill she can hit the button and it will call one of us. Home care will be coming once a day to check on her as well.

We have explained to her that none of us can spend all day with her. So here is my request to those of you who know Mishelle well. If you are able to drop in on her during the day, please do.
I will post on this blog when and if she makes it home.
The reality is, when she takes the first fall or forgets to take her meds and gets into a pain crisis, we will get her on the wait list for hospice.

This is her last kick at the cat and we are going to try to make it a happy and successful one.

I will try to update every other day.

Renee