The bubble has burst.

When someone we love is very ill, we get thrown into uncharted territory. We leave behind everything familiar and move into the unknown. We are called into a realm of not knowing. I like to call it the bubble.

There is a film between us and the rest of the world. We can watch our lives go on but there is a distinct force field that hold us just out of reach. This uncertainty is a difficult condition for the human mind and spirit. It doesn't matter how many tragic events happen in your life, all have different circumstances all of them cause the "not knowing, which force us into the bubble.
As the bubble offers seclusion, it also offers protection.
Once the bubble bursts, we move back to a state of knowing and the flood of emotion hits like a ton of bricks. Every thing becomes clear and we are forced back into life. Ready or not.

I am still having a hard time believing she is gone. We would talk on the phone a few times each day and now when ever the phone rings, I think it is her. We used to watch a show on TV, me at my house and she at hers, but we were on the phone chatting like we were sitting in the same room. Sometimes we would talk for hours. I feel like I have been punched when I remember she is not here anymore.

I had to go to her house and pick out some clothes for her to be cremated in. (yes, they dress them now) It was an exercise in desperation. I picked out a beautiful outfit that I know she loved. It was her "Vegas Dress" It was a white summer dress,. I matched it with a green blazer. I could not find the right shoes, She only had winter shoes in her closet, and we searched high and low but could not find her summer shoes. There was no way I was going to put black chunky shoes on with a white dress. I felt panic. And then I saw the multi colored fuzzy slippers she wore everyday for the last few months of her life. Decision made. Honestly, shoes would not have gone on her feet anyway. The slippers were perfect. I grabbed Elvis, her stuffed rat and a picture of her and the kids and delivered it all to the funeral home.
I am fairly sure those folks at the funeral home think I am nuts. She wrote on the cremation request that Mishelle was to hold the picture in one hand and to have Elvis in the other. She would have loved that.
And I have to say that I bust out laughing when Bryan brought home the page of obits from the paper. All these serious pictures .... then Mishelles with the glasses. It could not be more perfect.
Anyway, I just thought I would mention the bubble thing. It's not a bad thing, it's just life becoming normal again, although it will never be the same normal as it was before.

Obituary and date of service

I have put the obituary that I wrote in here in case anyone doesn't get the paper on Tuesday. Please pass this to all the people who may want to know. The details of the service are in the obit. There will also be a wine and nibbles and a walk through and celebration of Mishelles life immediately after the service. That will be held at Park 96 in Parkland. I will have a hand out at the service with directions. The new picture is the one I put in the obituary. I am sure you will all totally agree that it is totally her and so very appropriate.

Mishelle Anita Boychuk
August 15, 1957 – April 3, 2010

Mishelle let go of her extremely stubborn attitude on April 2, 2010, which allowed her to move on to her next life on April 3, 2010. When cancer attempted to constrict and smother her, the hope in her heart punched a hole in it and let the light of a pure soul shine through.

She was loved by many and showed us all what it is like to be super-human, as she faced all her challenges with tenacity and determination. She passionately loved her family, friends and dogs. Mishelle loved to laugh at herself, and others, and brought that joy to those around her.

Mishelle is survived by her children, Jessica and Christopher Hovagimian, her mother, Heidi Boychuk; brother Riccardo Boychuk (wife Karin) niece Sarah, nephew Brandon; sister Renee Boychuk (Husband Bryan Hetlinger) niece Madalyn and nephew Jack. She was predeceased by her father, James Roy Boychuk.

A special thank you to all her amazing friends who stood by her side throughout her long illness.

A celebration of her life will be held at McInnis & Holloway – Fish Creek Chapel, on Saturday, April 24, 2010 at 11:00 am.
In lieu of flowers, please donate generously to Foothills Country Hospice Society, Box 274, Okotoks, AB T1S 1A5.

Forever Young

7:30 am Saturday April 3, 2010 Mishelley took her last breath and her incredibly strong heart beat for a final time. She was gently guided to a better place by family,friend, amazing nurses and the angel on guard. It was a tremendously painful and touching moment that we all had the privilege to share. Her final release from so much pain, to let go knowing she battled so hard to to get to here, to being forever young.

Her children stood strong and loving by her side, giving her permission to move to the next life, assuring her that the light of her life would guide them in theirs.

And as for me, my heart is broken completely in half. I have a space, now that will always belong to her and her memories. For now I will let go and say goodbye until we meet again..... I told her to have a glass of wine, some nachos and a scrabble board ready.

Please stay posted to the blog. I will post more information on the when and where of her Memorial service. I look forward to putting faces to those of you who responded via blog and e-mail and phone calls.

I would like to thank all the people who followed this blog and all the wonderful comments you posted here. I read every one of them to Mishelle and I know she felt all the love and caring your words captured.

Renee

Guardian Angel

There is a very strong male presence in the room now. I can feel all sorts of energy coming and going around here, but this one isn't leaving. He stands guard by her bed. The energy I feel is gentle, calm and protective, I believe it is her angel.



Another sleepless night. Mishelles body is starting the process of letting go. She is experiencing much longer periods of apnea (moments of not breathing) These periods have been getting more frequent as time goes on. Her pulse is running at about 130 bpm. Her oxygen levels are hovering in the low 80's. (92 and above are normal) Her respiration's are coming from the mid chest. These will move higher and higher as the process progresses. The night nurse informed me that this is the beginning. I gathered the change must have been significant as the Doctor came at 9:30 last night to check on her. So, I basically slept with one eye open and watched her breathing.
I am going to go home tonight to sleep. Chris is going to stay. I hope all goes well through the night.