Get us off this damned rollercoaster

Hello everyone!

Well, shit .... you just never know what a day will bring. Saturday Mishelle had a great day, we played scrabble and went outside and just enjoyed the day. All seemed well so we all went home and left Shelly in very capable hands of the wonderful ladies at the hospice.

Sunday morning, I decided to bring the kids in to check out the place and as we came to her room, I knew much had changed over night. I saw the oxegen tank sitting like a beacon at the door. Mishelle had spent a very bad 4 hours and was now completely catatonic. They had her propped up in a mountain of pillows and we were all scared this was it. She had many visitors over the day and barely acknowledged anyone. In light of this new developement, I stayed the night. I had to keep checking to see if she was still breathing.

But, in true Mishelle style, She sat up at 4:00 am (which is amazing, cause she can't sit up alone) and told me she wanted a rock star. I said "you want a what?" She said "a break star". What she actually meant was a break through pain med. So typical, she is near death one day and sitting up in her wheel chair the next smoking a cigarette.
So, it is now Monday and she woke up this morning thinking that it was sunday night and that desperate housewives would be coming on soon.

Today she has had about 25 visitors and it has totally knocked her out. She took a huge leap this morning after Richard came to visit her. She was chatting to us about how she wants things to look when she is gone. She is happy and we actually laughed out loud a few times. We decided on a secret signal, a way that she will be able to tell me she is still here. It's a very foggy, misty day out here. She asked me to bundle her up and take for a ride around the property. So we did ... twice. After 10 months of holding her hand and my breath and never letting her see me cry, I finally got to rest my head in her lap and cry and tell her how I felt. It's been tough to relax because she has been fighting so hard, right up until this very moment. We have all been longing to have a loving conversation with her. She is totally sorting her emotion laundry and getting all her ducks in a row.

Now, with that being said, she has asked that at this time she only wants to have her family with her. She was so very happy to have all the visitors today but it totally exhausted her. If anyone wants to come out, please call me first. If you come to the hospice, you may be turned away. Please don't take it personally, these are her wishes.

I am updating this from her room and will update if opportunity arises. I will be camped out here from now on and if Jessica brings her laptop again, I will update then.
Mishelle sends her love to everyone.